Home » Egypt » Final Middle Eastern report: Amman to Cairo (14 January 2002)

"Now I�m stronger than yesterday" - Britney Spears

Final Middle Eastern report: Amman to Cairo (14 January 2002)

Roundtheworldbybike
2005-11-17 20:49:05

Displayed times (last time: )

Surely this cannot go on. I left home to cycle around the world. I was expecting a physical grilling, to be frozen and burnt, tired and sick, lonely and afraid. But the reality is so different. The cycling is, relatively, not a problem. I can handle it. But my emotions are driving me crazy - it's a bloody roller coaster! I am having unforgettable experiences, meeting fascinating people, seeing extraordinary things. But the depths of sadness I keep plummeting to are frightening. And it is not just once or twice this has happened to me - it hits me every few days. There is no way I can continue for long in this frame of mind.

I miss those I love at home. I miss 'comfort-zone' living - Starbucks, armchairs, 9-to-5, music, friends, routine, familiarity. I feel terrified at what I have got myself into - how did I have the audacity to think I could possibly pedal through Africa alone, how could I have committed myself to three years of this madness, of being the odd one out, of knowing no-one or nowhere, a world where nobody knows your name. I feel I have bitten off more than I can chew and surely this cannot go on.

It all came to a head in Damascus. I had reached the end of the road. It was too much. It was too hard. I was too alone. I was in too deep. I had failed. I was the nearest I have ever been to quitting. I was so close to heading for the airport and escape. It was over.

But I am trapped between a rock and something painfully hard. Frying pan or fire? An impossible situation. For there is no way I can go home either. The very comfort -zone I crave now is exactly what led me to all this in the first place. I cannot go back to that. And on top of all that is my stupid pride - I have told so many people of my grand schemes that I cannot possibly show my face in England before Christmas!

So I stayed. I didn't quit. I pedalled on down the road. I cheered up. I've made it now to ...