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Colin is the author of Chasing Rainbows in Chennai

JK Rowling I Hate You! (India)

ColinT
2005-04-24 10:15:13

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I wanted to make sure the shelf would be replenished as soon as possible. At this point, I must admit that authors tend not to get involved with all of this, but being India, things are different and people need a little gentle persuasion to get things done. After all, what is the point of getting publicity for a book if the shelves are going to be left bare for days on end?

The shop manager: "Yes sir, definitely they have been reordered. We reordered yesterday and they will be back on display tomorrow." Two days later, the shelf was still bare. "We will reorder tomorrow," I was informed.

"You told me you had reordered two days back," I groaned. I didn't wait for the reply. I knew it would be along the lines of... would be, should be, maybe or might be... By this stage I had been worn down by Vijay logic.

And, of course, if books are to sell, they must be displayed appropriately. It is a soul destroying experience to enter a shop and look twenty minutes for your book, only to find it groaning under the weight of a stack of books, which in turn are groaning under the weight of another stack. If I have trouble finding it, then what chance the customer! Perhaps by listening out for the groaning?

Do people tell me that something has been done just to make me feel better? Well it has the adverse effect. When I find out it hasn't been done, then I feel ten times worse than if they had been upfront with me in the first place and had told me that it hadn't been done and stated the reasons why. I understand that things getting done are often dependent on other factors. If people explained those factors to me at the outset, instead of being fobbed off, then I could live with it. Or at the very least, I would like to be informed of delays. Then I would not have a constant feeling of disappointment based on false promises and false hope.

These experiences and encounters are not necessarily unique to India, but, like we Brits and our complaining, I get the impression that in the art of frustrating, India often excels. I could write a book on it! (A very thick one.)

India - it turns me into a gibbering wreck whereby pulling my hair out by the handful becomes a pastime. Room twenty-three in my hotel room in Chennai - don't be alarmed if you ever walk past and see hairballs flying in the wind to the tune of some mumbling madman inside. And no, I'm not a overly-uptight Westerner or mathematician, obsessed with variables, equations, explanations and probabilities; I'm just someone who expects a fair deal. What is it all about? Can someone explain?

Having said all of this, however, Zine5 achieved the near impossible and got my book published, formally released, promoted, distributed and displayed. No mean achievement. But be warned: the road to hell is littered with failed publishers and frustrated authors. Now it's in the lap of the Gods; or to be more precise - the distributors and shop owners.

Anyway, no doubt the next Harry Potter book will soon hit the shelves and every other book in every other shop will be relegated to the dusty, far-flung corner of some forgotten shelf. And when it happens I will finally let all of the months of pent-up frustration free by screaming at the top of my voice: "JK Rowling - I hate you!"