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Lard Air

Rhymer1
2005-03-26 19:10:04

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to get a three-wheeler 50km south to the beach and temple town of Mallapparum. This was where we met 'Babu' (which, I think means friend), the big fat bastard. As many people know, to come to India and not get swizzed at least once is not playing the game. We had been to India before - thus, we reckoned, this time round it wouldn't be too bad. Still, a minor stiffing was definitely called for.

So Babu charged us three times the going rate for our trip. Whenever we remonstrated with him, he'd come out with some great Indian English, 'Sir, Madam, it is not that I am bamboozling you. Do not be perturbed unduly.' We got him down a little, but were still being taken for a ride in every sense of the word.

Then he tried to get us to pay all the tolls, then, extra for petrol, before, finally, trying to convince us that there was a $10 per person fee to enter the town of Mala. Each time he repeated his mantra: 'It's is not that I am a bamboozler' In a sense, I had to admire Babu's perseverance and chutzpah: here we were telling him it a) wasn't true and b) he was a bamboozler and c) he could piss off and he just kept on going.

Eventually we decided that the only way to combat his unrelenting hucksterism was to say 'We don't understand.' to his every request. This was a bit tight, especially as, comedy over-use of the word bamboozle aside, his English was actually pretty good. But eventually, I think our apparent lack of understanding made him understand he dropped us off in the centre of town, then sulked when no tip appeared. We thanked him very little.

Mallappaprum is a small town with a grubby main street, a spectacular 7th century shore temple and some rather stylish rock temples. It also has one of the world's largest stone idol chipping industries and the town rings to the sound of small idols being chipped. ...