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El Jem, Tunisia
Tuesday, Jan 09, 2007

The Mother of all Mothers

David Murray
2007-03-04 10:26:53

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Woke up this morning from the strangest dream
I was in the biggest army, the world has ever seen
We were marching as one
On the road to the holy grail

One day, when there is one guy in charge of the world, he is going to ask all the fuckwits to step forward. Trust me, I will be the first.

Realising I had made a schoolboy error, we had a day up our sleeve, so we really didn't need to rush down to Djerba, so we made the decision to go backwards. We found a louage, waited for it to fill up with Izzy lovers. Whilst waiting, I put down two Capusins, and then we were on our way. Our man was the bitch of all drivers. It wasn't long before we were there. Jumped out, through the laneways, and there it was, the Mother of all Mothers. The El Jem Coloseum. Admittingly, this is the third largest in the Roman world, but out of all the ones we have been to, this is the best. Shits all over Rome. Fuck me, as I have written in numerous stories before, that place is a dump. This is the dog's bollocks. In we went. Climbed the stairs to the top and took the photos. This time, there was nobody inside. Maybe because it is January, there were no coach loads of French tourists. It was so serene. We just walked around liked we owned the joint. A few tourists came and went who were on private tours, but we could handle them. Up and down, round and round, climbing all over this monstrous Coloseum that makes this UNESCO site. We even had time to do part of the scene from The Life Of Brian. "I want to be known as Loretta. It is my right as a woman, blah, blah, blah"!!! Then I went down and took centre stage, whilst Lucy became one of the 30000 watching me. The accoustics are amazing, so I did what I had come here to do. I gave everyone there, a rendition of The Holy Grail by the Hunters and Collectors. People were cheering, but I only gave the one number, and then moved on. We went down into the dungeons where they use to hold the slaves ...