Home » Japan » Deafened by the Roar of Pachinko ... or how to embarrass lesbians without really trying

I was always under what was probably a poorly uninformed impression that Japan was a quiet, understated country. In my few (wasted) years in high school Japanese class I learnt about the culture of a quiet people, who respected tradition and weren’t amenable to the loud, disrespectful ways of us Westerners (hence the trainee Japanese teacher who came on exchange to Maclean High School for a few months and after one period of our Year Nine elective Japanese class she was so shaken by our loud and outrageous behaviour she took off the remainder of the week and steeled herself against any further aural assaults by refusing to come to any more of our classes).

Deafened by the Roar of Pachinko ... or how to embarrass lesbians without really trying

Patrick Gatland
2007-01-23 12:54:33

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in the mall) the Japanese shoppers were loving the experience - and (I kid you not) I even happened to come across a wedding couple in full wedding gear having their wedding photos done in front of a faux-Venetian fountain that changes colours in time with the super creepy musak that plays in the background (Christmas carols no less). It was all what you would expect on board the Scientology cruise ship “Freewinds” (which by the way is the only location on earth you can receive training for Operating Thetan VIII - the highest state in Scientology. And who ever suggested that Scientology was just a money making exercise!?)

Having escaped the evil clutches of Japanese-Italy I immediately fell into the clutches of another agent of
suffocating and restrictive forces - boring lesbians. Earlier in the week I had met two girls at the hostel that I was staying at and mentioned that I was on a quest to find Tokyo’s best Okinomiyaki. As one of them spoke more than a smattering of Japanese I thought it would be to my advantage to invite them along in my culinary quest so that they could at least assist in translation and navigation around the Okinomiyaki bars of the city. The more selfish man in me hesitated - and whether it was because he knew that inviting them along would involve having to share this amazing Japanese dish or whether I have an innate sense for boring American lesbians I should have listened to that little voice inside my head saying “NO NO NO”!

Soon after leaving the hostel I knew there was going to be trouble. A casual remark about something amusing I had seen earlier in the day prompted one lesbian to say “You can’t say that - it’s disrespectful”. I can’t recall what I said but I’m sure it was insightful, but as you all know, me being told I cannot do something because
it is disrespectful is like a red flag to a bull and soon the 45 minute sojourn to the restaurant became a chorus of “that’s ...