Home » Italy » "Yes, I'll have the bottle without the bottom and could you please uhhh, hold it to my neck?"

With a sharded bottle neck to my throat and a look on my face like i'd just made a mess of my pants a little too early, I barely got the words "alright, chill out" to form in my vocal chords and exit from my quivering mouth. With 4 spaniards to every respect corner and a wall to my back I thought to myself - - "fetal position excluded, there's really nothing I can do in this situation". I'll admit, a swift kick to the huevòs meant for the guy to the left and a strategically placed roundhouse kick to the chops of the other crossed my mind. However it was quickly dismissed once I tried to move my "getting jiggy with it" legs and realized they wouldn't be of much use at this particular moment. Tres enter stage left. <br />

"Yes, I'll have the bottle without the bottom and could you please uhhh, hold it to my neck?"

Dustin_keating
2006-08-31 13:06:18

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With a sharded bottle neck to my throat and a look on my face like i'd just made a mess of my pants a little too early, I barely got the words "alright, chill out" to form in my vocal chords and exit from my quivering mouth. With 4 spaniards to every respect corner and a wall to my back I thought to myself - - "fetal position excluded, there's really nothing I can do in this situation". I'll admit, a swift kick to the huevòs meant for the guy to the left and a strategically placed roundhouse kick to the chops of the other crossed my mind. However it was quickly dismissed once I tried to move my "getting jiggy with it" legs and realized they wouldn't be of much use at this particular moment. Tres enter stage left.

Not "Tres" like the french "Tres Bien", but Tres as in the dude that swooped in like superman and started busting skulls in my defence... Figuratively of course. With a face like a heart attack and two bottles that meant serious business Tres and I waved our bottles in the face of prepubescent spaniards like we meant to let the bottles do the talking from here on in. With tempers flaring more than before, and me finally free of the four person throat slitting a couple other guys from the pubcrawl came to our defence as we illustrated the diversity of the four letter monosyllabic fighting word. Darn. (no just kidding, it was fuck)

But wait. This is all the coolest part. I've skipped the foreplay and got straight to the good stuff. It's a cherry without a sundae, a literal tour without the tourguide. Let me go back.

It all starts off as a pubcrawl like any other pubcrawl. A smaller group this time with something like 14 from Yellow and an added 5 from another hostel making it a modest 19. The first pub goes off without a hitch with the exception of the spaniards complaining about the absence of whisky. "My bad douchebags, get bent"...I think to myself.

Upon entering the second bar it looks ...