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In Philadelphia, just before all the pink-cheeked Benin Volunteers of 2005 left for that country, a previous volunteer told us to remove the blue-tinted glasses to observe and learn about the culture we would be entering. No matter what color the tint of the shades were, the idea was that I am not to judge a culture while standing in my own. Every culture has positives and negatives, but I don’t want to compare to find which culture is “better.” <br />With that in mind, I write this not as objectively as I should: <br />To be a Beninese woman. I find it difficult to keep my house swept, my dishes clean, my dog and myself fed, my flowers watered, and my cockroaches dead, and I am only responsible for one human life. How does a woman keep a family and home in Benin? She is amazing, that’s how. And I know she is amazing because she feeds me regularly, and I see her carrying/herding freshly bathed, sweet-smelling babies and children to church. And her husband is well taken care of too. She carries her baby on her back to go to work, and is entirely professional to breast feed while working. Not only is it professional, but it is also assumed. Babies nurse throughout the day, thus babies are always with mom, end of question. Because she lives with her mother or sister or in-laws or someone who keeps the home if she is away, she can leave her older children at home.

Men and Women

Erika Kraus
2006-08-28 19:42:25

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is obvious when the third party arrives. But as soon as the third leaves, it’s back to the real issue: when can he eat at my house?
To generalize, which is rarely acceptable, the men of Benin astound me by their actions, and the women by their lack of action. I am astounded most notably because I am used to the very puritan idea of monogamy, and am not familiar with the term “involuntary polygamy.”
Involuntary polygamy is when a married man sees a woman that pleases him, they have sex, and woops! The woman is pregnant! The man is obliged to take responsibility for his child, thus becoming the “husband” of the woman. This is involuntary polygamy, because the child was not intended. Otherwise it would have just been an enjoyable evening. I was also told, in a separate conversation, that the primary concern of a married or unmarried Christian when he or she is sleeping around, is that abortion is not allowed. I thought the primary concern was that a Christian should be loyal to their partner, and be monogamous in the true sense of the word.
Even in a Christian marriage, as I was told by a man and a woman who are not married to each other, if the woman does not always make a welcome home for her husband, he is likely to eventually find another home and woman. Oh, yeah, he should probably ask himself why she is not welcoming him.
As a woman who does have the choice, I often criticize, in my thoughts, the women who seem to allow these transgressions. But, little by little, the bird builds its nest; women often do have the power of approving or disapproving the husband’s choice of side women, and polygamy is now illegal in Benin. Not that I have a problem against polygamy directly; from what I see, where there is not as much money there is not as much “polygamy.”
I present my arguments, but mostly just listen. I know what I want and what will make me happy in a marriage, but to compare levels of happiness, maybe another ...